I am on Block Island for a few days. It is a beautiful outpost off of the coast of Rhode Island and the throngs of warm weather day-trippers have yet to arrive. So for now, the island feels personal and intimate. A perfect setting for Linda’s ashes to be offered to the sea. The spot I selected is on the west side of the island where the sun has spectacularly set many evenings while we were alone or with family.
At her memorial service, I had requested of all in attendance that we move forward into a new chapter, where Linda was no longer defined by her illness, but by the state of ultimate freedom she now was part of.
While I feel sweetly embraced by the possibilities that accompany change, I must confess that I am still encumbered by the imagery of her in her final weeks. It springs into my head when I am lying in the dark at night, waiting for sleep to take hold. It thrusts me into sadness because the one question I still struggle with, although less now than in the past, is why did she have to suffer so mercilessly? I can accept her death far easier than I can her struggle. Death makes sense to me while I am still exploring the nature of suffering.
As I release her ashes into the sea this evening, I will also ask that my sadness continue to soften into understanding and acceptance. She has already been set free from this earthly plane, but the ritual at the beach is so important for those left behind to mourn her absence. Healing is never about doing more or adding on, rather it is about letting go of what holds us back and keeps us in fear and doubt.
So with the sun nearing the horizon behind me, I am off to the beach with the physical remains of my sweetheart. Tonight she goes on a journey that she will be unaware of, but will allow me to find a way further down the path of wholeness.
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I have been a chiropractor since 1981 in Ridgefield, Connecticut. My passion is caring for my patients, educating people on the principles of health, reading, writing, going to the movies, and traveling, on my Harley whenever possible.